The following article was published in The New Paper on 31 July 2002.
2 HOMES IN 2 COUNTRIES - My unusual family life
By TANYA FONG
The New Paper
31/07/2002
S'pore man & Johor woman knew marriage would not be approved. So they set up 2 homes in 2 countries
THEY have two homes, and shuttle between the two every week.
Vanessa, 9, and Russell, 7, live in a maisonette in Woodlands.
But every Friday, their father takes them to spend the weekend in Johor with their step-mother, step-brother and baby half-sister.
On Monday, it's back to school in Singapore.
It's not something the children look forward to a lot.
They are caught between their father's desire to get them educated in Singapore and their step-mother's inability to live here.
Madam Loh Kwai Yit, 33, is not allowed to enter Singapore because she was a work permit holder here before she married their father, Mr Melvin Lee Seng Kim, 53, something which they knew was against the rules, if done without prior approval.
Mr Lee's first marriage ended in divorce after three years, in 1997.
Around that time, Mr Lee, a nightclub security manager, met Madam Loh, a Malaysian divorcee who came to work at the club as a dance hostess.
In August 1998, they applied to get married here. The application was rejected.
Madam Loh then quit her job. But she kept visiting Mr Lee here on social visit passes.
In January 2000, they got married in Malaysia.
Mr Lee then tried to get a long-term social visit pass for his wife.
Instead, he found that she could not enter Singapore at all, as she had broken one of the conditions of her former work permit by marrying him.
A few months later, a daughter, Kylie, was born.
For about 1 1/2 years now Madam Loh has been living in Johor with her son Derick, 8, and the baby, while Mr Lee and the other two children make the trip over every week.
Mr Lee is often there on weekdays too, and Vanessa and Russell find themselves alone with a maid in the Woodlands flat.
Said Mr Lee: 'I considered living in Johor for good, but I want my children to study in Singapore. It's much better here.'
That is why he applied for and got Singapore citizenship for Kylie.
At the Woodlands flat, Mr Lee and the two children share a double-decker bed in one of the bedrooms. The other two rooms are rented out.
Mr Lee, who earns about $3,900 a month, works from 5pm to 3am at the nightclub.
He bought the two-storey semi-detached house in Taman Pelangi, Johor, for about RM$175,000 ($87,500) in January last year.
Said Madam Loh in Mandarin: 'I feel lonely and insecure when he is not here. But I also know Vanessa and Russell need him. It's really difficult.'
KIDS LEFT WITH MAID
Said Mr Lee: 'I worry about my two children when I am in Johor. When I am in Singapore, I worry about my wife and our children in Johor.'
Sometimes, he even spends the entire week in Johor and leaves Vanessa and Russell with the maid.
Asked why he does that, he said: 'What to do? No choice...'
Every Friday right after school, the children pack their school books into their bags, and get ready for their father to drive them to Johor.
The June and December school holidays, and festive occasions like Chinese New Year, are also spent in Johor.
The children have separate clothes, toys, and their own beds there.
Their home in Johor is almost like their home in Woodlands.
All over the walls are the kids' baby photos.
As in their flat in Singapore, there is a staircase on which the kids love running up and down.
They have 29-inch TV sets in both living rooms, and the children get together to watch cartoons in Johor.
Said Vanessa: 'I like being here better because Mummy and Kylie are here.'
And Russell looks forward to getting a Playstation mate in Derick every time he goes to Johor.
But it has taken a toll on their studies.
Mr Lee said both Vanessa and Russell are not doing well in school, despite private tuition in all subjects.
Said their natural mother, a sales executive, 28, who wanted to be known only as Madam Yew: 'I see them every two weeks. For the last month, I noticed that Vanessa has been very edgy, and her tutors and teachers have complained about her not doing her homework.
'She is very upset with sometimes seeing her father, sometimes not. And I am very sad and worried.'
Mr Lee said he tried to make things as comfortable for them as possible.
He recently bought a new car, a Honda Stream. The kids have their bolsters in the back and fall asleep as soon as they get into the car.
The ride to the Johor house takes about an hour, in smooth traffic.
But it's not the travelling that tires the kids.
It's the emotional ups and downs. Said Madam Yew: 'Sometimes Vanessa calls me in the middle of the night and asks why her daddy did not come home. I get very upset when this happens, because I cannot stand the thought of my children being left on their own.
'I recently considered taking Vanessa to stay with my parents and me for a while, but my mum fell ill, and the plans fell through.'
On one recent Sunday, before Vanessa was about to come back to Singapore, she told her step-mother she had a stomach ache.
Madam Loh did not respond, knowing that it was her way of trying to stay.
Vanessa then started to sob, and reluctantly got into her daddy's car.
Kylie began wailing.
But they had to part.
Until next Friday.
*****
Why marriage not approved
MADAM LOH, a hairdresser in Kuala Lumpur for about eight years, started working here in April 1997.
Said Mr Lee: 'I knew it was against the rules to marry her, as she was holding a work permit, but I really wanted to marry her, and for her son to get a student pass and stay in Singapore too.'
When the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) rejected the application, she got her work permit cancelled, in September 1998. Said Mr Lee: 'I thought that if she was not a work permit holder, the chances of me getting MOM permission to marry her would be higher.' But it turns out marriage is restricted for former work permit holders too.
After their marriage in Malaysia, Madam Loh lived in Perak with her parents, till she moved to Johor. Mr Lee went on writing to MOM seeking a social visit pass for her.
The New Paper contacted MOM to find out under what circumstances a Singaporean can marry a Malaysian holding a work permit here.
An MOM spokesman said: 'The Ministry approves over 80 per cent of marriage applications.
'We take into consideration several factors when processing such applications, such as whether the foreign workers are able to assimilate well into society, and whether they can make a long-term economic contribution to the country.
'Each marriage application is considered on its merit taking into account all the relevant factors.'
MOM did not give a figure when asked how many such applications are approved. There are more than 500,000 work permit holders here.
The policy is to discourage a lot of lower skilled workers from settling here.
Said the spokesman: 'Allowing a growing pool of low-skilled foreign workers to sink roots may also add to the structural unemployment problem that lesser educated Singaporeans now face.
'All work permit holders are fully aware of this requirement and they give an undertaking that they will abide by it before they start work in Singapore.
'Those who contravene this condition of the work permit will be barred from entering Singapore for a period of time.'
*****
Why she can't come here
MR Lee has also written to Singapore Immigration and Registration (SIR) to ask if it could grant his wife a social visit pass.
Said Mr Lim Boon Hwee, deputy head of public relations at SIR: 'Madam Loh was banned from entering Singapore as she had contravened the Work Permit Marriage Restriction Policy administered by the Ministry of Manpower.
NO SOCIAL VISIT PASS
'She is required to apply for permission to enter Singapore. As long as she is banned from entering Singapore, the issue of her being eligible for long-term stay or permanent residency in Singapore will not be applicable.'
This means she cannot even get a social visit pass.
And it will be so until MOM lifts the ban. It's not known when MOM might do that.
SIR also said that marriage to a Singapore Citizen does not automatically qualify a foreigner for Permanent Resident (PR) status or immigration facilities.
Social visit passes are issued to tourists and those who do not hold Singaporean passports, and not to work permit holders.
For tourists, the passes are issued for between 14 and 30 days, and may be extended.
Social visit passes can also be issued to non-Singaporean spouses of Singaporeans. These can last from a few months to a few years, but this is done on a case-by-case basis.
